Raising the Wild One

Raising a spirited child is a blessing and a challenge.

They have this beautiful resilience about them and we know in our hearts that this will be vital in adulthood, but we are caught in this balancing act we call parenting, and if you're anything like me, you question this ability daily and wonder if you're doing any part of it right.

On the best of days, I am in awe of my wild one. She is imaginative, compassionate, witty, funny and downright determined just to name a few. She says such profound things that fill my heart with joy and wonder and sometimes, even heart wrenching disbelief, as I slowly see her innocence slipping away before my very eyes, into adolescence and some day soon, adulthood.

I am a realist, I know she isn't perfect, she does and will make bad choices, she will do things that I don't approve of, it's how we grow, it's how we learn, it's my greatest hope that I've instilled in her the example and building blocks she needs tolearn from those choices to turn negatives into positives, because that is what is important. Growth.  

On the days when my patience runs thin, I wonder if I’ll be strong enough for her.  As much as I know I should just breathe, count and even walk into another room, I catch myself, breaking down and yelling, only causing a fight, and she fights right back. Butting heads with a wild one only causes them to push harder. On these days I want to pull my hair out in frustration, but then I realize I'll look funny bald, so I try to work those frustrations out in other avenues. 

This was not what I pictured parenting would be like. In all honestly I never pictured myself as a parent, coming from a broken childhood, broken parents and a broken soul, I never pictured myself as a parent, because I lived with fear that I would never know how to be a good mom.

I was blessed with grandparents that kept me clothed, fed and showed me unconditional love. We didn't have a lot, but it was more than enough to guide me and give me roots. For that I am eternally grateful. I still lived with fear, because it was never the same as having a mom, there was still a void in my heart, a yearning and a wonder to know what it was like to have that relationship.

I have since grown up and come to peace with much of it, the grace of God's love has filled me with so much more than I could have ever imagined. I live with determination that my wild one will never have to wonder what that's like. I'm here, with her. Fighting til the end. I wouldn't trade a minute of it, I wouldn't trade her.

Demand from a wild one, and they will demand from us. Teach a wild one, and they will teach us, too.

One day I realized that everything I want for my daughter already comes so naturally to her. Her independence, determination, wit and deep compassion will help her navigate through adulthood in our society.

I realized that instead of trying to shape her it was my job to guide her. Guide her to better choices and morality, and away from harm. That is, after all, the meaning of discipline.

It is easier said than done with the wild ones.

Redirecting and guiding is a process of trial and error. Validation and positive reinforcement may work one day and not another, and at times it seems we have to be three steps ahead so they don’t figure out our methods.

We have to think ahead, be quick to adapt and learn to roll with changes.

We must forget about any personal idea of perfection.

Her mind leads me to believe that she will do great things. Sometimes, I fear for her, though.

Will her determination stay on the path of hard work and kindness? Will she transition into adulthood in the way I hope?

She is determined, throughout the day, to help people see what she sees and understand her wants and needs. She loves harder, laughs louder and stands firm in her stance on things for much, much longer than most. She's bull headed, stubborn and painfully honest. 

She's fun and witty and will firmly and without a filter tell you when she disapproves. She is outspoken and honest, and has to be talking during all waking hours.

Not every wild one is this way. While they share certain traits, they are all unique. Watching my daughter recently in a group of girls, I had an ah-ha moment, a moment of clarification, a moment when I realized that as awful as I feel sometimes that I expect her to do some things on her own, I saw a child that was capable of standing on her own two feet to do what needed to be done without someone else doing it for her. I witnessed it and it filled my heart with joy, I know she is going to be a capable, functional, responsible, independent adult. 

To the parents of these wonderfully wild children:

First, a big hug, from a distance, or a virtual hug if you will.

Self care is important when raising these beautifully spirited souls. Always, always, always #loveyourself no matter how they might make you feel some days.

We are exhausted, proud, frustrated and amazed—sometimes all in the same day.

Their minds blow us away. We cherish those little moments of peace and cry when our children decide that they know more than us and make us feel as if we are the dumbest humans on the planet. 

Let’s be thankful for the lessons. Let’s find and hold onto little moments to be grateful for, and remember that the wild ones can help shape and change our world.

We have been given this wonderful challenge, cherish it. I'm thankful every day that God chose me to be her mom.

Much love to you all - 

Monnie